For you poetics! Please critique my poem and tell me what you think!?
For you poetics! Please critique my poem and tell me what you think!?
Manic Ambivalence
Motionless; staking out approval
at the traffic light
under our moving bridge;
at that moment, I was like the rest of them.
Why should I care what she spends it on?
Don’t take the moral high ground.
Stood limp.
No crutches hold her up, forcing forward;
we’re all the same to her.
Anything to dull the consciousness;
to dull the unforgiving masses—
don’t take the moral high ground.
Stare ahead, eyes fleeting;
we’re all the same, more or less.
Exasperated pain, an ankle bent the wrong way round.
Moral values and meritocracy have no place:
don’t take the moral high ground.
Can we see inside ourselves, inside our home?
Before we walk the earth
proclaiming our ideals;
breathing is not a commodity.
Best answer:
Answer by Thomas B
I appreciate your efforts but I don’t see any meaning in it. It’s meaningless.
Give your answer to this question below!
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Don’t give up your day job.
I doubt I’d call it Ambivalent— that’s a weird title. You went and skipped the track on your theme… this is not manic ambivalence… this is overconcerned….
Your ideas are good, cadence needs a little tweaking.. message is clear enough…
Why are you standing in judgement of judgement??
Just for the record, most of the people who comment in this section know nothing about poetry and are pretty much just out to be jerks. So don’t take any comments you get too seriously. Including this one, if you so choose. (:-))
I think it’s very good. I like your metaphors and I like how you’ve split it up, stanza-wise. Is this finished? I’m not sure that the final stanza has a sense of closure although I really like your last line.
I like it a lot..